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Previous: Escape From the Jungle - Chapter 6
Next: Escape From the Jungle - Finale
Sean and Lester lost consciousness on the bank of the Shard River amid stinging rain. All seem to be lost, when they are saved by the timely appearance of a group of hunters. They take the brothers back to their home where they eventually awaken. At last, they are safe from the perils of the jungle.
is © of 
All characters are belong to
Credits to Tkh1304 for the Nexoculas
Main Story Folder: shady-knight.deviantart.com/ga…
Next: Escape From the Jungle - Finale
Sean and Lester lost consciousness on the bank of the Shard River amid stinging rain. All seem to be lost, when they are saved by the timely appearance of a group of hunters. They take the brothers back to their home where they eventually awaken. At last, they are safe from the perils of the jungle.
is © of All characters are belong to
Credits to Tkh1304 for the Nexoculas
Main Story Folder: shady-knight.deviantart.com/ga…
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© 2016 - 2024 Shady-Knight
Comments10
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Finally getting around to reading again! 
Anywho, this was pretty good. I was expecting some sort of lucky happenstance to come along at this point, since the brothers were pretty much screwed otherwise. About time they managed to catch a break!
I really liked how you introduced the new characters here. They managed to come off as distinct and memorable despite there being quite a few to introduce all at once, with the hunters and the doctors and all.
Not a whole lot to comment on though. Everything comes together and flows along pretty nicely . . . although, despite the fact that I don't mind the idea of tweaking the cannon here and there to fit with what the author is doing, I am nonetheless going to point out how technically, Felarya shouldn't have any sort of flu. Because you nitpicked me over my having the translation-spell thingy work on Chlaena color-speech, when it really probably shouldn't, and here you are doing the same thing! Thus I must retaliate in kind! *pickpickpick!*
But yeah, nice work overall.
Typos:
Upon reaching the other side of the river, Karolyne and Jomas immediately hopped off the beat to investigate what was making the butterflies so excited' 'Beat' should be 'boat', here, I think.
'Milla three a stern glare in her direction.' 'Three' should be 'threw' here I think.
Either way, both needed plenty of to recover, and that time was better spent sleeping than to chat with a young nurse. I think there needs to be a 'time' or something similar between 'of' and 'to' here.
Anywho, this was pretty good. I was expecting some sort of lucky happenstance to come along at this point, since the brothers were pretty much screwed otherwise. About time they managed to catch a break!
I really liked how you introduced the new characters here. They managed to come off as distinct and memorable despite there being quite a few to introduce all at once, with the hunters and the doctors and all.
Not a whole lot to comment on though. Everything comes together and flows along pretty nicely . . . although, despite the fact that I don't mind the idea of tweaking the cannon here and there to fit with what the author is doing, I am nonetheless going to point out how technically, Felarya shouldn't have any sort of flu. Because you nitpicked me over my having the translation-spell thingy work on Chlaena color-speech, when it really probably shouldn't, and here you are doing the same thing! Thus I must retaliate in kind! *pickpickpick!*
But yeah, nice work overall.
Typos:
Upon reaching the other side of the river, Karolyne and Jomas immediately hopped off the beat to investigate what was making the butterflies so excited' 'Beat' should be 'boat', here, I think.
'Milla three a stern glare in her direction.' 'Three' should be 'threw' here I think.
Either way, both needed plenty of to recover, and that time was better spent sleeping than to chat with a young nurse. I think there needs to be a 'time' or something similar between 'of' and 'to' here.